Timing is everything
My fiancé and I have been to our fair share of boring weddings over the years. I guess this is because everyone has different beliefs and interests, so one persons moving two-hour catholic wedding service is another persons idea of hell!
We want our guests to have fun and enjoy themselves as much as possible at our wedding, so we’re planning an afternoon/evening ceremony, followed by canapés and then a reception. I know we won’t be able to please everybody, but we’ve kept our timelines really tight to achieve the least possible amount of “downtime”:
• Ceremony from 4-4.30pm
• Mingle with guests from 4.30-5pm
• Have drinks and canapés served from 5-6pm, while we have our ‘formal’ photos taken
• And from 6pm, our ceremony kicks off. We have a three-course meal, video speeches, cutting the cake, a dance floor and a DJ, and a chocolate fountain to keep everyone entertained for the rest of the evening
We have deliberately planned it this way so that the forward-momentum continues throughout the evening. There’s nothing worse than standing around while the bride and groom slip off to get their photos taken for three hours…
… which is exactly what happened when we went to a friend’s wedding last September. The wedding was at 2.15pm, and the reception started at 6pm – and we had to entertain ourselves while they had photos taken for three hours. Three hours!
They were married at a hotel, so all of the guests were directed towards the bland hotel lobby bar to mingle with people we’d never met for several hours while we waited for the bridal party to return.
The worst part? It was a cash bar, so we were expected to pay for our own drinks! We bought one drink each – a beer and a glass of wine – at a cost of $17. If we’d had, say, five drinks each across five hours, we wouldn’t have had much change from $100. I never take money with me to a wedding, as I never expect to be paying for anything!
After our first drink, we jumped in the car and drove to a local café, where we worked our way through a few coffees and a piece of cake.
By the time we returned to the venue at 5.30pm I was a little tired, and I was slightly resentful that we’d been expected to take care of ourselves for several hours. Perhaps a cash bar would be acceptable for an hour or so, but even then, I don’t think you should expect your guests to pay for anything at your wedding – you invited them to share in your special day, so you should pony up the cash!
After all, they’ve already gone to a lot of effort, dressed up, bought a present, and travelled to your venue. In my opinion, to then ask them to pay for their own refreshments once they get there is just tacky.
I know that this particular bride and groom were operating from a small budget, but I don’t think that is a good enough excuse – they could have shortened the waiting time to a maximum of two hours to begin with (ceremony at 3pm, photos from 3.30-5.15, reception from 5.30pm). They could have provided everyone with one glass of champagne when they took off, which would have only cost them a couple of hundred dollars, and then their guests could pay for any further beverages. They could have even provided only soft drinks and juice on the bar tab, to minimise consumption of alcohol drinks, while still making sure your guests are taken care of. There’s always a way around a cash bar, in my opinion – you just need to be a little thoughtful and creative.