The Biggest Day

I was browsing a wedding website today at work, as you do, and there was a small article about wedding etiquette. I had a quick browse, not really paying attention, when one line caught my attention: “You must put return postage on your RSVPs”.

Oh. My. God.

I didn’t even think about this! I was so busy stuffing the envelopes with the invitation, the directions, the RSVP card and the gift registry notice – and the note about accommodation and the post-wedding brunch – that I completely forgot about return postage.

So I sent out 150 invitations with RSVP cards, and no envelope or postage for our guests to send it back to us.

Was that incredibly rude?? Are my aunties, cousins and family friends making snide comments to each other at this very moment? ‘The invitation’s nice and all, but I can’t believe they expect us to post the RSVP on our own dime… it’s just so tacky!’

I called my sister tonight for an emergency bridesmaid conference call, and she seems to think it’s fine. She says our relatives and family friends won’t think twice about posting it, and our friends are more likely to respond via email, phone, or Facebook anyway. And she’s right – most of my friends have emailed their RSVP, and one friend has declined via my Facebook wall, so it seems anything goes.

It’s yet another example of the “politeness” minefield that us brides have to navigate! I’ve tried to be as polite and tasteful as possible throughout my wedding planning, but I’m sure I’ve annoyed people somewhere along the way…

I usually pride myself on being super thoughtful and attentive, so I’m more annoyed at myself for not remembering the postage, than I am worried about people’s reactions. After all, it’s not like I did anything really tacky – like ask for cash gifts to be deposited into my bank account!

I’m a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding in a few months. She’s also a bridesmaid in my wedding – we’ve been friends since fourth grade, and together we’ve been through high school, college, first jobs, first loves and everything else in between.

Recently my friend selected our bridesmaid dresses, and I’m really pleased with her choice – I live out of town, and I had visions of peach taffeta and unflattering mid-calf hemlines…

Thankfully, her choice was a very tasteful black silk gown with a hemline that dusts the floor, thin spaghetti straps and an empire waist design. It’s simple and elegant and I will definitely wear it again – and, as an added bonus, it was on sale from $300 down to $120! I’m totally wrapped.

She has three bridesmaids and she suggested that we wear strappy black sandals with our dresses – which I’m also thrilled about, as I already have two pairs of said shoes.

Then a few days ago, I received this email:

“As for shoes, we’ll go for a black strappy shoe. It would be good if the shoes don’t have too large a heel on them, however. Megan is going to get some heels to boost her height a bit, so if the rest of us have just a regular height heel, it should work together well. Regular height heel is usually 1 1/2 to 2 inch.”

Megan is one of the bridesmaids, and she’s 5”2. The other bridesmaid Venita and I are both 5”9, and the bride is 5”10. So I guess the intended effect here is that if we all wear small heels, and Megan wears killer 4-inch stilettos, she’ll be able to close the 7-inch height gap when we’re standing at the alter.

So here’s my problem: I like high heels. The higher the better. I’ve checked both of my pairs of black strappy’s, and it confirmed what I already knew: they both have a 3-inch heel, which is well outside of my bride’s “regular heel height” mandate.

It’s her big day, and I want to do whatever I can to make it run smoothly – but isn’t a specification on the height of our heels a little bit… bridezilla?!

I haven’t told my friend yet that my heels don’t fit her criteria, because I’m afraid she’ll ask me to buy another pair. I’m already spending a lot of money on her wedding, as she’s getting married in our hometown (so as well as paying for the dress, hair and make-up, the present and hens party, my fiancé and I have to buy flights and accommodation) and I seriously don’t want to shell out for a third pair of strappy black heels.

I feel like it’s a bit of an unreasonable request, but I don’t know whether I’m being a crappy bridesmaid, or whether she is edging into bridezilla territory?

I’m not sure how to resolve it, so I might let it sit for a weeks and thing bring it up closer to the wedding day, when she’ll hopefully be too preoccupied with seating charts and her dress fittings to be worried about my pesky heels.

And if she’s really unhappy about it, I’ll wear my existing heels and hunch slightly when we’re standing at the altar…

My fiancé and I have been to our fair share of boring weddings over the years. I guess this is because everyone has different beliefs and interests, so one persons moving two-hour catholic wedding service is another persons idea of hell!

We want our guests to have fun and enjoy themselves as much as possible at our wedding, so we’re planning an afternoon/evening ceremony, followed by canapés and then a reception. I know we won’t be able to please everybody, but we’ve kept our timelines really tight to achieve the least possible amount of “downtime”:

•    Ceremony from 4-4.30pm
•    Mingle with guests from 4.30-5pm
•    Have drinks and canapés served from 5-6pm, while we have our ‘formal’ photos taken
•    And from 6pm, our ceremony kicks off. We have a three-course meal, video speeches, cutting the cake, a dance floor and a DJ, and a chocolate fountain to keep everyone entertained for the rest of the evening

We have deliberately planned it this way so that the forward-momentum continues throughout the evening. There’s nothing worse than standing around while the bride and groom slip off to get their photos taken for three hours…

… which is exactly what happened when we went to a friend’s wedding last September. The wedding was at 2.15pm, and the reception started at 6pm – and we had to entertain ourselves while they had photos taken for three hours. Three hours!

They were married at a hotel, so all of the guests were directed towards the bland hotel lobby bar to mingle with people we’d never met for several hours while we waited for the bridal party to return.

The worst part? It was a cash bar, so we were expected to pay for our own drinks! We bought one drink each – a beer and a glass of wine – at a cost of $17. If we’d had, say, five drinks each across five hours, we wouldn’t have had much change from $100. I never take money with me to a wedding, as I never expect to be paying for anything!

After our first drink, we jumped in the car and drove to a local café, where we worked our way through a few coffees and a piece of cake.

By the time we returned to the venue at 5.30pm I was a little tired, and I was slightly resentful that we’d been expected to take care of ourselves for several hours. Perhaps a cash bar would be acceptable for an hour or so, but even then, I don’t think you should expect your guests to pay for anything at your wedding – you invited them to share in your special day, so you should pony up the cash!

After all, they’ve already gone to a lot of effort, dressed up, bought a present, and travelled to your venue. In my opinion, to then ask them to pay for their own refreshments once they get there is just tacky.

I know that this particular bride and groom were operating from a small budget, but I don’t think that is a good enough excuse – they could have shortened the waiting time to a maximum of two hours to begin with (ceremony at 3pm, photos from 3.30-5.15, reception from 5.30pm). They could have provided everyone with one glass of champagne when they took off, which would have only cost them a couple of hundred dollars, and then their guests could pay for any further beverages. They could have even provided only soft drinks and juice on the bar tab, to minimise consumption of alcohol drinks, while still making sure your guests are taken care of. There’s always a way around a cash bar, in my opinion – you just need to be a little thoughtful and creative.